I've got to figure out how to get my mojo back. This idling thing is easy, but unproductive and unsustainable. I mean, it logically follows that I should ask for help and find things that excite me.
But other people have been my bane. I've tried setting up multiple (free!) photoshoots to get the creative juices flowing and get the cheaters high from the like rush, but everyone canceled. I've tried to get my roommate to help me hammer out ideas, but he immediately put a barrier in the way of doing that. I've tried talking about my lack of motivation and folks go “yup, it can be like that.” (or my dad launches unsolicited into a rant on how his lack of motivation is because he’s needed around the house, which I'm sure is about his own insecurities on the same issue)
All in all it has left me feeling remarkably isolated on top of the economic worries. Meeting some new folks in Overwatch has helped offset that, but being motivated to play Overwatch isn't productive either. I need to find a group of people motivated to do productive things like a professional association or something.
That said, in reality this whole mojo thing is older than this work project. For that matter it is related to why I left my old job in the first place. Despite making more money, the reality was that I haven’t felt ‘successful’ since late 2013. Though that’s not really a big surprise; I haven't done a project I'd call successful since then. People stopped coming to my shoots and the weather made it impossible anyway. I couldn't be successful at work because all I was doing was relaying bugs. Hell, I started trying to learn the guitar recently and almost was starting to get somewhere, and then I hurt myself.
I think what needs to happen is that I need to build momentum. I need to set some really simple goals that I'm comfortable I can succeed at and be proud of, and move forward from there. Since my usual support network hasn't been terribly helpful (they're largely un/underemployed folks anyway which says a lot) I should pick a few things I can do by myself to meet before I go back to trying to use other people.
- Current Location:The drainage channel
- Current Mood: pensive
- Current Music:The sound of the drainage channel waterfal